all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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