I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize