No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
