She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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