I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
