420 ftw
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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