How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
