I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I am morally bankrupt
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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