OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
