is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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