Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
