I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
