hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
