I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
