they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize