Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
