Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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