well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
