I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
