HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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