i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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