I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
