I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize