ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
