I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
