He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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