someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
