After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
