You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
