what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
