i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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