I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
