who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
