Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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