This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
