??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
