I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
