My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm passing your future prison.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
