i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
