Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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