Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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