I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
