thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
