im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
