You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I smell stomach acid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
