Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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