and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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