Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
