Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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