i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
