I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
