I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
