i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
