Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
