Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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