we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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