I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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