I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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