I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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