she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize