Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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