The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
