ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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