Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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