My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
