thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
