My first STD was from a foam party
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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