This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
