On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
