fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
