I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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