Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
