Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
